I wasn't expecting it, but a serious case of "nerves" set in about 15 minutes ago. My husband and I are supposed to be going on vacation for a week - next week - without the kids. Leaving the kids, tons of work to get done, and I'm suddenly thinking I just can't do it. I just can't go. I've been the one pushing my husband for three months that nothing would stop us from going. I was wrong.
My sister has very graciously offered to stay with the kids, which is a huge concession on her part. She has her own family she won't see for a week, just so we can go. They will be in very capable hands. Indeed, there is no one I'd trust more than her. But the "what if" factor is getting bigger and bigger every minute. Broken bones, stitches, my little guy who still needs his mommy, my oldest has finals in three subjects, daughter who suffers migraines - what if she has to stay home from school and my sister has to work?
Then there's work to worry about. I just took a fabulous new listing, my first since changing brokers. 12 days of not taking care of new leads, potentially losing out on new listings, losing touch with my current clients. My husband is also in sales, so there's the added issue of neither of us earning any money while we're gone - and how does that work out when prices of everything in sight are steadily going up?
Then there's the million and one things to get done around the house before we go: laundry, cleaning, organizing, painting, laying the floor down in the dining room, landscaping that will be dead when we return, and where does the list end?
In almost 19 years of marriage, we have had two vacations without kids. Our honeymoon, which sort of doesn't count since we didn't have children then, and a weekend in Ottawa for our anniversary one year. That trip was cut short to a total of 12 hours (6 of it was driving) when my mother decided that she wanted to go out to dinner with friends, and couldn't possibly take the kids with her, so we drove back state-side to pick them up and go home. I thought that we deserved a vacation alone. Now I think I'm wrong.
How do I get over this - work past it - justify still going? I'm not even beginning to scratch the surface of the multitude of reasons I have come up with as reasons to not go. We will go. I just need to figure out how do it (leave) without working myself into a nervous breakdown. Oh, and without crying at the airport.