My 13 year old daughter just announced that she knows how to make millions. Solar powered motorcycles. Wind powered cars. Lawn mowers that run on grass. And she doesn't want me to post this on the internet in case someone steals her ideas and makes money from it before she gets a chance to. So this is a formal announcement that the ideas are hers. She already has a name for "it" (whatever "it" is), but won't tell me because it's stupid. Personally I think she just doesn't want it posted on the internet, in case someone steals that from her too.
Which has drawn the attention of my 8 year old, who truly believes that wind powered cars already exist... Of course, he also believes that my 16 year old reads. Books. Which has drawn the attention of said 16 year old, because he wants to know who we are making fun of (him, of course).
I've been declared EVIL, and even my 12 year old is closely watching the monitor as I type. The 16 year old is bored and wants to know if I have any heroin (his idea of a fun time/joke). And he's trying to make my 12 year believe that he dreams up ways to kill people.
You have to understand, he has a very dry, warped sense of humor. Last week we needed to go to the social security office to get him a new card. As we were leaving, the girls were just arriving home. After telling them that we were going downtown and would be back in a while, 13 year old asks where are we going. I said, "The Federal Building." When the 12 year old asked why, the 16 year old's response was, "I have a hearing." Why??? Because he'd been arrested in school for drugs. The only problem is that the 12 year believed it!!!!
Going to the federal building was an experience in it's own class. We stopped to go through security, and when the guard asked me if I was carrying any metal objects, my son points out the chains and hooks on his pants... I set off that stupid metal detector over and over again because of a belt buckle. 16 year old walks through and they just wand him down and let him go! Hmm... I'm an adult, clean, in a suit, acting respectably and responsibly. He's in all black, tee-shirt, hoodie (with the hood up), pants with chains that are about 3 sizes too big around - plenty of room for an automatic machine gun or two, and they let him through??? And all he can say is, "I can hardly wait to tell Eric that I set off the alarms in the federal building."
We've come a long way from the days when I was so proud to hear them say "mommy" or "daddy". The first words my 12 year old ever spoke were, "may I have more spaghetti please?" That should have been a tip off to me that I was going to be in for it. Now I'm wondering why I taught them to speak at all!